Shot by the securities of the CM, Mr.Raghuvaran, flies and falls near the door. He shud be dead by now!!! Sorry - but this is Tamil Cinema. This is the time for "punch dialogues".
With all those bullets inside, he smiles (?!??!) - "That was a good interview".
I am in that kind of a mood today - looking back at the past 3 months and comparing the Iday who was in Feb to the one who is in June. There is a BIG difference on his resume for sure. There seems to be a BIG difference in his personality as well.
No no. The score hasn't made me insane :) There is enough reason, which made me look at myself and say "Hey, that's not the me i know". Let us see why.
I had this belief about myself that i am really good at stuff, but i don't perform well because i am not interested or i don't work as well as i can. I fail, but i say to myself "hey, that's jus coz i did not make enough efforts".
But the real fact was that i really haven't achieved anything in life since my std.12th scores. I call that an achievement coz of my peer level et al and i know it still inspired students of my school, where the score is yet to be crossed :) And yeah, i really don't wanna consider a BE degree (81%, 3.7GPA, first class with distinction) in a pretty good college as an achievement. I wasn't even the best in my class. My scrap book was full of "I know u have lot of talent, but u shud have made the efforts" or "you and this guy deserve to be the toppers of this class, but u guys jus dint try". Well, that's not anywhere close to achieving the real thing. But really, i was still honored coz it is great when ppl see that you can achieve something when u really haven't achieved it at all.
Juror 1 says "Guilty"
Moving on, i spent the next 2 years in my first company. I have never achieved the best ratings one can get - but there were one reason or the other to let me console myself that i could have, but was deprived of it. In hindsight, the first year was debatable and the second year is still under debate :)
Juror 2 says "Guilty"
The came the Management tests. Since i was now seriously bored abt whatever little thing i was working on and i was looking to move into management coz it appealed more to me, i applied to 3 of these tests. I bought all prep material from IMS and decided to prepare myself. Jus like all previous endings, i dint score enough for even a single call.
Juror 3 says "Guilty"
Judge chuckles and says "I forgot when u last did something mentionable kiddo. Why do u even wanna make a case. Don't waste my time - go".
This is when, thankfully, i really stood away from myself and observed what a big loser I'd became. Thankfully, again, everyone gets their inspirations just in time. It is upto the individual to get inspired really.
And this is where i have to mention two of my friends, who, in spite of seeing me only failing, believed that i can win :) I'd dutifully report all my failures to both of them. One always used to listen to me when i blabbered abt management and really was the first person to accept the fact that i am fit for management.
The other one really dint know me for long, at least not as long as the first friend knew me. BTW - probably the first set of news i gave her were these failure messages. So probably, she was just being good with me. But it really did make a big impact. She did this for ALL my results and it was like getting on to my nerves :)
And this ALL FOR GOOD made me think. This is why i started the post with that Raghuvaran dialogue. This is where the analogy is. This is where i was inspired - to go in search of that "good" this was supposed to mean. What can be good in a CAT and XAT failure??? "Look beyond Iday" - screamed my inner soul. And that is how the tryst with GMAT began. 4 months later - I'm typing this post with a 750 on my resume :)
As i keep saying, things have just began and I'm far from relaxing. But hey, this is my moment #1. I HAVE to pause and enjoy it, before i lay the foundation for moment #2, #3 and henceforth. They will come - but lemme have some fun now :)
And, am i not supposed to say how this has changed me. Let's get the list rolling...
- For starters, i now know i really am what i thought of me. If, and only if, i put my heart into something, i will, and that's a definite will, succeed and succeed with great returns.
- My perspective of my future has changed in a big way. i see everything i do today as a step to some goal i have set for myself some 15 or 20 yrs from now. I know what my short term goals are and i know what my long term goals are. I know i can achieve them.
- I am more serious than before. A bit more happy, as a friend today observed, but a lot more focused and worried, coz i know my long term goals and i know I've got some rough time ahead.
- I am a lot more organized now - prepping with all those resources has brought the time clerk out of me and that's a big big plus to me. I never thought i was good in that dept.
- When someone says "this weekend I'm gonna prepare", i don't make fun of him/her like in the past. I know what it really means :)
- There are ppl looking at me differently and i am able to observe that and take it in the stride. I hear the word "inspiration" very frequently these days :)
- I've moved from a seeker role to a helper role, atleast with respect to GMAT. I am rolling out advises to many ppl i hardly even know, and i am really happy doing that.
- There just might be many many more - i really dunno
These days, life seems to have come to a standstill with no GMAT preps to do in the night. But it is a good thing right!!! I am now waiting for the schools to release their application packets and then starts the real fun. Looking forward to it and hope that the application process will be all the more interesting and enriching :)
Really long post. Thanks for staying with me till here...
You guys are sweet :)