This is gonna be a rant. I am in that kind of a mood!!!
I have witnessed a vicious circle. A circle that spans across more than 10 years. Ten long years, during which i have fallen, risen and fallen again. No one is to blame. I am responsible.
I guess every time i join an educational institution, i somehow get into some sort of mess. High School, Undergrad and now Bschool. Different types of mess. Each one worse than the earlier. One constant thing is that, however complicated the mess is, everything gets alright in the end. Yes, every time, there is an end, albeit too late. Not necessarily a good/happy ending - but an ending all the same. Another constant thing is, i march on. With my wounds and with my scars, i march on. I lose a lot in the process, and feel terribly bad about it. I keep feeling bad about it, till i dont feel anything about it - and this for me takes a LONG time. I am going through one now, hoping it will end soon. That constant thing called "end" that i just mentioned above, i cant see it!!! I will see it though, eventually...
I am sure everyone goes through tough phases in life, and that these phases, in a way, are good for an individual in the longer run. But you feel terribly bad when you look back at the reason for your mess, and realize that if you had stuck to your learnings from your previous experiences, you could have avoided the mess. Also, when you look back and see that you have complicated things for yourself, and the other person involved, by trying to be someone you are not, everything looks so ridiculous. Right now, i am feeling ridiulously messed up because for a long time, i have been trying to be someone i am not.
Now that i realize these things, i am going through a series of what ifs and what nots. But then, ifs and buts dont make life. Facts do. And the fact is, the vicious cycle has struck once too often in my life. It is too clear as to what i need to do, I need to get back to what works for me. I have to start being myself again.
Those are my marching orders, as i begin to march on to an after life where i hopefully handle things in a better way...
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5 comments:
Your blog is really human. I visit everyday and try to see if I also take things the way u seem to take.
Human blogger! ;-) heres to a better 2008!
- GT
Oh my! Hope things look up for you. Funny, maybe it's the end of 2007 blues? (I just deleted a sort of rant post off my blog ... as I usually end up doing - always second guessing myself - I hate sounding too pessimistic and revealing too much - but I love to hear others vent ;) Here's to a new year!
I can completely relate with the educational institute highs and lows iday and i have faced them in work life too. I guess that's life.. hopefully you will be out of your blues soon. Have a great new year..
Hi IDAY you have a nice blog..Being here for the first time. Congrats for getting in Chicago GSB. I will be giving GMAT in june 2008. I am impressed by the way you write.
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